The Importance of Forgiveness

Carolyn Guilford, CNC

Many times we harbor feelings of pain, anger, resentment and hurt against someone we feel did us wrong. I hope as we bring to a close 2006, we will walk into the New Year with a new attitude, leaving old hurts behind.

 Un-forgiveness can slowly drain your energy while increasing unhealthy chronic stress. Stress which can lead to heart attack, or stroke.  Creates a breeding ground for cancer to grow, and high blood pressure to grow worst.

             The Stanford University Forgiveness Project, examined the role of forgiveness in mental health, found it extremely important to one’s mental health and physical health as well.

What is forgiveness? According to Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., the project's director,  " Forgiveness is taking less personal offense, releasing anger and the letting go of blame, and developing increased understanding of situations that often lead to us feeling hurt and angry.”

 Holding on to past hurts serve no good purpose. "All the huffing and puffing and groaning and moaning you might do isn't going to make somebody love you more or be fairer or kinder to you," Luskin says.  

            Learning How to Forgive

Forgiveness is not always easy. But will make you feel better, not only by freeing you of hostility, negative thoughts, and account keeping,  but also by increasing your sense of self control, and self esteem. Once you know how to forgive, it will give you confidence that you can get through any tough situation without fear of losing yourself.

              Bear in mind that forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget, or approve of, or become friends with someone who has been unkind or hurtful to you. It does mean that you let go and release the feelings of pain, disappointment, and any resentments toward the person. And let go of re-telling the story of what happened.

             Allow yourself to do what you need to do to feel better. This is for you, not anyone else. But understand that as human beings we all at some point need forgiveness. All are guilty due to our faults, mistakes, and misdeeds.

             Don't feel that you must reconcile with the person, yet let the other know that there is no grudge, hard feelings, or animosity for any wrongdoing, if you can.

Learn and use stress management techniques when you feel upset to temper your body's "fight or flight" response.  ( Deep breathing exercises are great.)

            Let go of expecting things from people that they choose not to give you. Focus your energy on finding alternative ways to get what you want.  Forgiving is an act of love between you and the person who has hurt you, and is the bandage that holds the wound together long enough for it to heal.

 Remember, A life well lived is the best revenge. Enjoy your life, today.

Again, give up the retelling of old hurts, rewrite the story with a new ending to reflect your choice to forgive. Say a prayer for the person and yourself, bless the one who hurt you, and let it go.

             Now, if you have been holding some pain in your heart, give yourself the ultimate gift this holiday season ... forgiveness.  Go into the New Year with a clean heart and a new start.

Happy New Year, God Bless Us Every One !

“Health is Wealth”